AcousticByLines Quotes, Jokes, Stories

Quotes, Jokes, Stories

Please don't read these pages if you are easily offended.

Haikus for Instrumentalists

Squeaking and squawking
All eyes roll to the heavens
The clarinet speaks

One beat to change from
Harmon to cup to bucket
Hey, who wrote this shit?

The jam session starts
Somebody calls "Giant Steps"
Cold fear grips my brain

Here's the girl singer
Stepping to the microphone
Pitch, time, all gone now

Gig is going well
Some one requests "In the Mood"
I look at my watch

Gorgeous chick tells me
"You sound just like Kenny G"
My ego shatters

Three-eight, eleven-eight
Damn you Andrew Lloyd Webber
Five-eight, seven-eight

The woodwind doubles
Practicing the picolo
Frustration defined

Pit orchestra gig
Days and nights become as one
I have no damn life

Bad intonation
Strings are sharp and reeds are flat
Brass too loud again

An oxymoron:
"He plays the accordion
With delicacy"

Bassoons forever
Try in vain not to sound like
A farting bedpost

The strings slowly tune
When they're done the unison
Are anything but

"I can't find my note"
Bemoans the confused singer
"Quit now", we all pray

Money's everything
Playing any gig that comes
Whores, we are all whores

That plate of hors d'oeuvres
Cost more than we're getting paid
Think we underbid?

God bless trust fund gigs
Only have to eat ramen
For a few more weeks

TOP

AcousticByLines

Acoustic Music Events, Performers, Venues, and Businesses