Last month, I included quotes from Rob Brezny, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. The heart of what I want to write about this month is as follows:
In other words, you get more of what you concentrate on: good luck or bad luck.
Last week I attended a seminar, the goal of which was to get in touch with our deepest goals, the dreams we had and lost along the way. There were a number of exercises to break down the mental blocks we have against us realizing our dreams. There were life coaches there to help us get past our stuck places.
I had a difficult time asking a life coach for help. When I finally did, I was pleasantly surprised: the coach I asked cut directly to the heart of the matter, and asked me one questions that got me right through my issue. In addition, I admitted that I have trouble asking for help. Actually it was fairly obvious, by the way I sidestepped into our discussion.
The coach suggested that I consider my friends, band mates, and associates and figure out if they're supporters or non-supporters.
He told me to acknowledge and show appreciation to my supporters list. And, to stop interacting with the non-supporters. I have done that on a limited basis from time to time.
I did the exercise last week and was surprised at the results.
I will be acknowledging and showing my appreciation to my supporters in a variety of ways, mostly including them in some of my creative projects. So rather than asking them to help, I'm asking them to participate in something that honors them.
Sadly, one friend and band-mate showed up in the non-supporter column. I realized how much time and effort I've spent trying to get his approval. No matter how much I do for him, he is critical of my efforts and frequently critical of me. If I help him get gigs, he is critical of the gigs. And yet, he continues to ask for help.
Over the years I've known him, he's played fewer and fewer gigs. He's a marvelous musician, but I can't help but think that his attitude comes through in his interactions with others, and that hurts him.
I've known other musicians who have done the same thing: gotten gigs and been so critical of some aspect of the gig that they refuse to play that venue again. And they wonder why they're not getting gigs.
I don't want to go into the psychology of why people act like that. I'm certainly no Pollyanna and I'm guilty of doing my share of bitching.
But (Behold the Ultimate Truth), if you want people to help you, if you want clubs to continue to hire you, acknowledge what they do for you and show your appreciation. It may not work in every case, but it will work in the long run.
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